“Driving” me crazy!

Phoenix has, without a doubt, the worst drivers in the world! Honestly, I cannot get to work and back home again without some idiot trying to cut me off, pass me on the shoulder of the road or switch lanes without signaling, nearly running me off the road and/or into another car!

My husband and I think this may be some sort of malady that affects the brains of people who get behind the wheel of a car. We call it “JACKASSISM”!

There are a lot of double turn lanes here. This means that you turn into the lane you’re in…there are generally dotted lines to show you which lane to turn into, but even so, this is not brain surgery!! If you’re turning from the inside lane and you make a left turn, TURN INTO THE INSIDE LANE!!! DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT TURN INTO THE FAR RIGHT LANE, CROSSING THREE LANES OF TRAFFIC! The same goes for turning right. STAY IN YOUR OWN FREAKIN’ LANE!

A couple of weeks ago, a little old lady with a crocheted hat, sitting behind the wheel of a blue Chevy Cavalier was in the far right lane signaling to turn right. I was in the left turn lane (also a right turn lane), which actually turns into the middle lane of the street I was turning onto. Guess what happened! You got it! Little old lady in the crocheted hat turns into the middle lane and grazes my Pathfinder! And then? She takes off!!! Grandma Speedy hit the gas and was shaking her fist at me as she spun out and disappeared onto the 101. By the time I fully comprehended that she really wasn’t going to stop it was too late to catch up to her and get her license plate information. Crazy me, I thought she might actually do the right thing, MY BAD! She was definitely stricken with a full-blown case of JACKASSISM! Fortunately, my vehicle has only some minor dents in the front and back passenger doors. But, it could have been much worse had I not been paying attention. Thank God there wasn’t someone in the inside lane so I had room to get over, almost in time. And,  thank God there was no one behind the crazy grandma lady or me!

All of this brings me to an article that my husband sent me this morning. 5 things your car will finally do in 2020 suggests that your car will be able to do the following:

1. Your car will predict the future.

2. Your car will talk to the road and the road will talk back.

3. Your car will take itself into the shop for maintenance.

4. When you drive through McDonald’s, your car will be debited, not your VISA.
5. Go ahead, take a nap. Your car will drive itself.
I’m not sure that I think all of these are good things; but, in the case of Grandma Speedy, I think that it would be nice to have a car that can predict the future and drive itself. Surely the vehicle couldn’t do much worse than the thousands of drivers on the road who are afflicted with Acute Jackassism!

2 thoughts on ““Driving” me crazy!

  1. Acute Jackassism! That’s awesome. I LOVE that phrase. The words just fit, don’t they? 🙂

    And I think there ought to be a new law… if you’re old enough to wear a blue crocheted hat AND drive a Chevy Cavalier? No driver’s license for you!

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